Word on Weightloss: Month 2

February was a tough month. Not only was it shorter, but this month had a couple celebrations for me - Valentines Day and Mat's birthday. That's two out of the three weekends that were not easy.

Even though I did have a few special events - and special events always include food around here - I was still fairly successful. This month I lost 7.8 pounds, for a total of 13.

I can't see too much of a difference. But I have noticed differences in some of my clothes. Like the fact that I don't have to do squats when I put on my jeans after they get out of the dryer. I can definitely feel a difference in the waist of my pants, and the mid section of my shirts feel a bit more loose. There is also a bit more room right above my knees in my jeans.

I am still not working out. Although I have been itching to run again. The only good thing about not working out has been that I haven't lost much weight in my boobs. The first time around, that is were I lost all my weight. My boobs seriously went from a D to a B. It was so sad. And the boyfriend was quite depressed. My boobs have since grown back into a C, and I don't really care to lose them again. I used to always say, "I wish I could lose weight in my thighs and ass, and not in my assets!" I'm sure once I start running again, the boobs will shrink. Oh well, I know it's worth it. Boob implants are cheap!

I feel really good about this month. I had all these celebrations and was still able to lose weight. I feel like this time around I am able to see the bigger picture. This really is a a lifestyle change. And I think the first time around, I was so perfect with the plan and worked out at least 5 times a week that there was really no way that I could have maintained that throughout my life. Things happen. Life happens. And I was so stressed about life happening the first time around. I couldn't enjoy celebrations. The only things that were not so picture perfect were my weekends. I would be perfect all week; go to my meetings Saturday morning and weigh in and then be horrible the rest of the weekend.

Things have definitely changed. I would say that I am conscious everyday. I give into my cravings on a daily basis, there's no doubt about that. But I'm more reasonable about it now. I have three tootsie rolls everyday instead of the whole bag on Saturday. I can enjoy myself at a restaurant or at celebrations, but I now will look up the restaurant's menu and nutritional values before we go. And I can try to practice portion control (although still my biggest weakness).

I have about 10 more pounds until I reach my goal with Weight Watchers, but I have decided that I want to set a new goal. After talking to my mom about her body type and really analyzing my first time around at Weight Watchers, my new goal is 135. Crazy I know - especially after all the "being realistic talk" above. But it's not that I'm not being realistic, I just want to have something to really work toward. And if I ever got to that point, I can only imagine the self confidence I would build. So I think it's a worthy goal. And I have decided that after I reach my WW goal, I am going to train to be a leader, and I am really looking forward to that!

*Camera is being funny. So no picture this month.

The Word on Weight Loss: Month 1

I know I said that I wanted to get serious back in December, but come on. It was December, right before Christmas and all that food - that deliciously bad food! So, I think we all knew how that was actually going to go.

But the news in not all bleak. The 1st of the the year came, and I decided, once again, to be serious. The difference this time was that Christmas was over, one; two, I had a friend who also wanted to get serious; and three, the first of the year is always a good time to make a change.

On January 12th, I put my close to 25lb. overweight butt back into the Weight Watchers program, where I hope it will stay this time around!

I have found myself reverting back to some of the old ways. Measuring out my cottage cheese in the morning. Counting my crackers. And keeping my handy little food tracker open and next to me daily. This might sound like work. And I'm not going to lie. It is. It is irritating and can be embarrassing depending on the situation, but I know the results are worth it. And once I do it, and incorporate it into my routine, I know it's not that bad. And honestly, as lame as it sounds, I am addicted to routine, so doing all this on a daily basis makes me feel good.

Although the food part is not too difficult and I'm embracing it, the exercise part is quite a different story. I cannot seem to do it. I'm not even trying. I think to myself, "Ok, today I'm going to make it to the gym." One thought,that's it. It doesn't enter my mind - in any positive, proactive way - again. Well, until the next day when I have the same conversation with myself. It's very simple: I just don't want to. And convincing myself otherwise has, so far, been impossible.

As much as I want this, and I will do what I need to, to get back to the weight I want (at least 150) I recently had a revelation about my character. A few days after I joined Weight Watchers, I met up with a friend that I've had since high school. She has been having some family issues, familiar ground for me, and we were swapping tricks of the trade. She was very nervous that characteristics that she hates about her dad are unfortunately coming to the surface in her own personality.

I then relayed my experience with bad characteristics rubbing off on me. My step-dad is someone who needs constant praise. I mean the man needs a congratulations for simply breathing. I definitely do not take it this far, but I do need constant praise in my life.

I didn't ever think that this stretched so far into my life. But after this conversation, I was reminded of another conversation I had back in August 2007 with the boyfriend. I was telling him how nervous I was about hitting my lifetime weight at Weight Watchers. Sounds crazy, I know. But I was nervous because I felt like after I hit my weight I wouldn't have anything left to work toward. Well that was half of it, but I think the bigger half was that without the weekly praise from the boyfriend, my mom, my sister, his family, etc. I wouldn't have the motivation to continue. After a while, no one would think/hopefully say, "Oh wow, look how much weight you lost ... you look so great ... you worked so hard." It would eventually just be commonplace - what I accomplished would eventually just be commonplace.

Maybe that sounds vain. I'm sure it does. But, it's the truth. The truth for me anyway. And I'm glad that I know this now. That I can vocalize it and acknowledge that this perspective, this personality trait can be dangerous. But it can also be managed now that I'm aware of it. So I figure that I can either work hard at curbing this feeling - this motivation. Or I can make the boyfriend sign a contract to tell me how must weight I've lost and how great I look. Either way, I think it's a win-win situation. (That is if I lose the weight!)

Oh and by the way, this month I lost 5.2 lbs!